[Carl has just gotten wind of Eddie's plans to have a flier party. Carl Otis Winslow: Well there's no rush. Laura: No! Steve Urkel: I just called my uncle at the Pentagon. If all you ever look for is the float with Miss America on it, then the whole parade is going to pass you by. Richie Crawford: We're going to play with these toys for 30 days and return them, like Uncle Carl's going to do with his peanut helmet. Carl: I can't tell him I don't remember him! Steve Urkel: I don't have to take this! Eddie: [after he has heard her quickly renouncing her love for him] Myrtle, what's my life going to be like without you in it? They misspelled three words. He's usually knee deep in dead mosquitoes. I'll take this up later with the Lieutenant. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Uh no, Waldo, state your name. Laura Lee Winslow: Yeah, but only for one month. Harriette Winslow: What a miserable evening. Laura: We're not going anywhere. Laura: [gasps] I'm sorry, I'm so sorry please forgive me. Ms. Steuben: Uh, excuse us just a minute. Steve Urkel: Hi Harriette, hi Laura, hi Harriette, hi Laura, hi Harriette, oh look, it's Laura! Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Way to go Carl! Laura Lee Winslow: Did you get any sleep? Laura Lee Winslow: That you'll never go into outer space again. Stefan Urkelle: I'll have to buy new parts for the chamber. Laura Lee Winslow: Grandma, you're not old. And, I just wanted to wish you good luck. Laura Lee Winslow: Most people don't know that. Or are they just lame? Steve Urkel: I've fallen and I can't get up! Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Dad, cash is so impersonal. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: What're you so happy about? Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: I was thinking you could help me during the test. I never got less than than an A. Steve Urkel: So, I can't live with that! I didn't kiss you. Laura: We're not going anywhere until the ground rules are straight. 2023. [Eddie agrees as Mother Winslow and Harriette walks out of the living room]. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [under laughing gas, laughing] I just realized, your name is Doctor Smiley. No! And I'm sorry. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Waldo! Sheldon is rude, vain, obnoxious, and one-dimensional. Steve Urkel: King me. He's a lawyer! [He leaves and minutes later Urkel is playing Danny Boy on his accordion]. Laura: Ma, the package said to cook it at 275 for 20 minutes. Laura Lee Winslow: [comes in with Mother Winslow's dress from the dry cleaners] Ugh mom, this place is really getting gross. Steven Quincy Urkel: Look, you've got this big bed. Carl Otis Winslow: That a girl, Harriette. Laura: Steve, you like this kind of music? Steve Urkel: Steve Urkel! Steven Quincy Urkel: I wasn't the one who overslept, Ms. Rip Van Winslow. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: [nervous laughter] Great Wedding, huh dad. I'll teach you. In the current social climate that is rich with dialogue about appropriate consent between men and women, women are quite reasonably, on guard about objectification. Steve Urkel: Did I mention my dad knows Wayne Newton? Ken: [Grabbing Steve by the collar] THAT FEEB YOU'RE TALKIN' ABOUT WAS ME! Please, my little Rapunzel. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: No no no no no. Steven Quincy Urkel: Land sakes, woman. [Eddie has just realized his mistake in standing his father for the chance to go out on his date with a girl that he likes]. Harriette Winslow: She says OGD's a great kid, but he hasn't had it easy in his life. Me and the guys were going to have a flyer party next Saturday when you go out of town. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Well why don't you take the guy's next door? Steve Urkel: I've never tried out for athletics before and the equipment list says that every guy should wear a cup. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Listen, Melissa may not be a cover girl. When the door opens Carl appears dessed up as Steve normally dresses with his glasses]. We're doing our best to make sure our content is useful, accurate and safe.If by any chance you spot an inappropriate comment while navigating through our website please use this form to let us know, and we'll take care of it shortly. Carl Otis Winslow: That's wonderful, son. So, what's cookin', good lookin'? Carl Otis Winslow: Might have. If you were a vegetable, you'd be a 'cute-cumber.'. Harriette Winslow: Oh no no no. A few minutes ago, I just saw Laura and I fanted. Steve Urkel: Oh, pasha, you're making me blush again. Laura: Curtis, I got my hair done, my nails. Who? I've had more food than this stuck in between my teeth. Family Matters is a comedy that has many serious episodes, something many sitcoms delve into from time to time, but "Good Cop, Bad Cop" is possibly their best offering of drama. Steve Urkel: We met once. This has never happened before. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Only when we kiss, Laura Lee, only when we kiss [they passionately kiss]. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Oh well Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: You mean to tell me that the Army screwed up the paper work again. Wa chee! Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Well it wasn't funny. Eddie: No, grandma. Steve Urkel: Really? Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: I'm not dreaming anymore. [the photographer takes a snap shot of Eddie nerously laughing as Carl drives him away]. Harriette Winslow: For my birthday, you bought me an exercise trampoline. He's never used his! Waldo Geraldo Faldo: Wow. Harriette: Well, tell him you don't remember him. [Waldo has just given Eddie a list of IOU at Mighty Weenie]. You are such a sweetheart. Our limo awaits. Carl Otis Winslow: Now honey, it's really ok Harriette Winslow: No it's not ok, Carl. . Urkel, the camera was on Eddie the whole time. Laura: Dad, you're exacerbating the situation instead of ameliorating it. Laura: Every time we order another course, you bring your chair closer. An illustration of a horizontal line over an up pointing arrow. Let's just hope we can rub off on him before he rubs off on 3J. Rachel Crawford: Oh. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Was I ever! Waldo Geraldo Faldo: Why are ya gonna do that, Willie? Laura: Sure, Steve. Steve Urkel: [whispering] I bent my dagger. Laura: Yeah, every time I used the bug spray. Carl: Typical. Daniel Wallace: Hey, man. Laura: So do you Max, guess what, Steve rented us a limo. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: I'll have you know, I'm not in Italy. [Steve comes out of the freezer at Rachel's Place shivering]. I'm drawn to you. Now you sleep tighty-tighy with all your mighty-might. Every year, my relatives send me money in hopes that I won't visit them! Bazooms! Harriette Winslow: Now let me get this straight. Just blacked out for a second there! Steve Urkel: I will not be bullied! Steve Urkel: Waldo, how could you do this to me? Laura Lee Winslow: No, I think we learned that Steve's experiments has gone too far. Whoa, I'm being pushed back in! Laura Lee Winslow: [reading note] 'If you want black history, go back to Africa'. Cool. Steve Urkel: My uncle, Elijah Urkel, has been struck by lightning four times. You may be my boss, but that does not give you the right to come into my home and be obnoxious to my husband and his friends. Steve Urkel: This page is in Korean. Waldo Geraldo Faldo: [talking to Eddie] Man, they didn't even know who we were. Harriette Winslow: You can't blame them for walking, Eddie. Does that about cover it? Instead of cool, it was set on Nerd. Carl: This baby has a remote. Can you believe that? But honey, let's put a positive spin on it. Judy Winslow: Um so Grandma are you gonna be a June bride? Laura Lee Winslow: Well that really bugs me. Steve Urkel: Yeah, and then if you sneeze why, your entire head explodes like a cherry bomb in a cantaloupe. Waldo: Yeah, but I was so nervous when I asked her out that before she could answer, I barfed all over her shoes. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Carl, you lazy slug! Gosh I bet that's never happened before. "Tomorrow Dad!" Steve who? His parents were very upset. Waldo Geraldo Faldo, Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Cheating? My zipper." 5. Old money has more wrinkles! Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Failure to signal. Harriette, THERE IS A CAR IN THE LIVING ROOM! Steve could've been killed. People stopped and starred, called me names, and some even spit at me. And I hear myself telling her the same things my mother told me. Stefan Urquelle: Steve, what's up with your cousin? Waldo Geraldo Faldo: Well I for one am appalled. Rachel Crawford: How 'bout double the usual? You're so beautiful, you take their breath away. Carl Otis Winslow: Two stalks of broccoli and three pieces of asparagus? As played by Jaleel White, the ultra-nerdy teenager with his whiney voice, awkward walk, pants rolled up high, and apprehensive catchphrase "Did I do. Cassie Lynn: Look, Becky Sue. Carl Otis Winslow: Yes and that's not all. Here's What Steve Urkel Looks Like Today. So go ahead, FIRE ME! It is always tomorrow with that boy. I will not give you a lock of my hair. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: [to Laura] Sugar, I realize you're having a hard time, but you've got to stand up for whatever you believe in, or things will never change. Steve Urkel: I know! I'll just begin a rigorist-training schedule. Harriette Winslow: She's still pretty upset, she wouldn't even touch her dinner. Rachel Crawford: She keeled over leading a game of Simon says! Why are you guys dressed like that? Judge Vance: All right, young man, call your first witness. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [voiceover, as Johnny Danger] So there I was, staring death right in the face. Waldo: Cheating it wrong, Eddie, and you should know that. Rachel Crawford: When the paramedics got there, they thought SIXTY-SEVEN people had died! Steve Urkel: No, I don't like to disturb anyone. I'll be in all the videos. A bee to a blossom. That's one for the books! "Tomorrow, Dad!" You know that in Kenya, "Urkel" means "a benign cyst on the foreleg of a wildebeest"? Rachel Crawford: Honey, how long were you in there? Stefan Urkelle: It's not just a transformation chamber. Weasel: Hey loosen up, Eduardo. Well, name a couple. Undaunted, Steve switches the station to polka music and ends up having a good time dancing with Waldo and Maxine], Carl: By the way, thanks for letting me use your chamber, Stefan. Laura Lee Winslow: Yeah, that's right, how'd you know? Carl Otis Winslow: Harriette, that kid is bad news. Waldo: Sure you have. Wha? Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: It's a tradition in the Urkel family to not consummate the marriage for three months. You should've seen the look on his face when he saw five officers surrounded my car and said Surprise! Waldo put today's date on the flyer. Your grandma is gonna fight for your right to party. Laura Lee Winslow: Hey, my locker's open! Don't nothing, never mind me, Carl. Laura: Well you're stubborn, irritating, loud, obnoxious, pushy, clumsy Steve Urkel: Hi everybody! That's not enough time for Rambo to blow anything up. Everyone would think that Laura is in love with Steve Urkel and no one would vote for her. Baby Girl: You couldn't push me out of this park if you wanted to! Steve Urkel: I've invented nuclear batteries. Your dad's runnin' late. Me and Laura went ice skating together. Carl Otis Winslow: [after bringing Eddie home from jail] Now Edward, stop looking around for Steve. I wouldn't know what to charge. YOU'RE WHERE? I just wish it would all go away, Daddy. Steve Urkel: Now, relax, Eddie. Why would anybody want to kill her? Pass the salt, Edward. Isn't that sad? Harriette Winslow: What's the matter, not feeling well? Let me tell you something though Weasel. The man was open all day! I don't *ever* want to work for you again. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [about Harriette's gingerbread house] This is a work of art. Steve Urkel: Edward this stuff's been hawked. Steven Quincy "Steve" Urkel: [is chased and hides behind a jock] Hold me back, hold me back. I feel stupid! Steve Urkel: The woman's been flirting with me. Carl Otis Winslow: Hello. You think she'll really kiss Steve? When you make a mistake, fess up to it. I'm telling you straight out, I hate this. Steve Urkel: Boyd whipped Eddie. I'm jealous of Todd and you want me to help him. Overall, Steve's good intentions trump his flaws and give the audience a plethora of laughs every time he comes onscreen and says, "Did I do that?" Without Steve Urkel, Family Matters would have been overlooked as just another TGIF Friday night comedy show. I'm in this class. Am is a verb, verbs are our friends. The lovestruck genius of Steve Urkel. Robber: [threatens Steve] You! Harriette Winslow: [retrieves a coupon from her purse] Ohhh no no no, Carl! Then instead of admitting it, you let us spread a log in Lake Michigan. Eddie: Name's Eddie Winslow, but my friends call me Eddie. Harriette Winslow: Carl, I'm up in Laura's room and she looks at me, and she asks 'Why, Mom? Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [to a sorority girl] That dress is so tight! Stefan Urkelle: Not I know that's not Carl. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Yes, those were very confusing times. Steven Quincy Urkel: Gee, I don't know, the speedometer only goes to thirty. Edward, sure I got a moment. Harriette Winslow: Abrasive? Steve Urkel: No, it's not okay! [Eddie comes crashing through the living room in the car], [Stefan did not take his "cool boost" for that week - he wants to turn back into Steve]. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: That's hotties, Steve. Well if he does it again, I'm gonna grab his bellows and make a wish. [Pulls Steve to other side of room] Steven, last semester I specifically asked you what class you would not be taking this semster and you told me HOME EC! You are under arrest! It was my nickname in preschool! Eddie: As a starting forward of the school team, it's my duty to play round ball not nerd ball. I'm Stefan sweet thing. Rachel Crawford: Steve, are you sure you're okay? Laura Lee Winslow: First you better sprout a chest. No. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Oh they love the new me. Wha? You can stay. Waldo Geraldo Faldo: Can it be a 976 number? Carl Otis Winslow: I'll tell you what son, why not give me cash for Christmas. Rachel Crawford: Well, Steve, I am your boss. Ordinarily, I like a table right next to the water. Ty: Actually I haven't got my wings yet and I play the keyboard. I'm a person, and I have feelings, and I demand to be treated with respect and dignity! Myrtle Urkel: Frankly my dear, I just don't give a damn. Steve Urkel: [thinking he's playing hide and seek with Laura, Eddie, & Judy and a shower starts running] That shower running doesn't fool me Laura! It's just for the family Steve stop begging. Waldo Geraldo Faldo: Oh, no thanks, I went before I left. I'm here. Harriette Winslow: So what you're saying is it's full. Dec 25, 2011 - Explore Nadia Hussein's board "Steve Urkel", followed by 259 people on Pinterest. [laughs]. Estelle Winslow: Your great grandfather's name was Lester. Does that about cover it? Self respect. Look I clued everybody in. I just spend two hours talking a guy off a ledge, then found out he was a window washer. I realize the reason you don't love me is because I'm weak. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [Stephan] Laura Winslow, you are the sun, the rain, and the wind that flowers my soul. Harriette: What's goin' on down here and why do I smell cinnamon flavored smoke? Steve Urkel: Uh no. Harriette Winslow: And you meant every word 8 years ago. Why that low-down-cheap-bunder-headed-mud-slinging-bush-wacking-slanderous-snake-in-a-skirt is blackmailing you! Harriette Winslow: Mother Winslow, take all the toddlers up to your room. Carl: Well, I'm sorry if I embarrassed you in front of a guy named Weasel. No. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Eddo, Eddo, Eddo! Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: But you can't fire Waldo, he's our friend. Laura: This is just a model, right? I can't! Well, why didn't you tell me? Steve Urkel: Thanks. Ms. Steuben: Well, I guess he's changed a little. She just slipped and I caught her. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Well for one thing, I can't feel my toes. Laura Lee Winslow: If you're really my guardian angel, where're your wings and your harp? And I just got the wax sucked out of my ears! Reading, 'Riting and Racism? Because, I already told him I do remember him. So they picked up all our stuff and moved us. Carl: There is a guy on our couch who says I remember him, but I don't remember him. Not bells, Swiss Melody Chimes. He created a machine that could cause items to grow in size. Carl Otis Winslow: Why not try the truth! April 24th, Carl, I planted this fake diary because I knew you'd read it. [He leaves the house]. I've been there a 100 times, but this time was different. Carl Otis Winslow: He and Steve got busted for gambling. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: [sympathetically] Eddie, Carl was just about your age when he lost his dad. A minor Betty Crocker boo boo. But, if I'm not, the last two words you'll ever say will be, "A Choo.". Well, actually it's Quincy, but you guys get the picture. [after Carl as defeated Turbo with ease, Harriette runs up to him with her purse]. Rodney Beckett: YOU thought you were smart? I had 8 shots of Espresso, a 6-pack of Jolt Cola, and a large bowl of Froot Loops with extra sugar. Rachel Crawford: The balcony scene is next. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: [Stands up] Dad, I'm not implying. Willie Fuffner: That's different, you're my friend. [Handing out] Menu, menu, menu, menu, menu. Seems I'm having all the luck. Steve Urkel: Sh-she touched me, Carl! [plugs the cord into the socket]. Laura Lee Winslow: Nope, this is Black History Month. Laura and Judy, divide up the rest between Barbie doll fans and Lego lovers and get them upstairs too! And I don't get many calls! Steve Urkel: Don't feel bad. [Eddie, Clarence and Steve are arrested by the police for theft.]. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Aww that's cute. Steven Quincy Urkel: Don't interrupt me! Carl Otis Winslow: Well I talked to your boy Squeeze and he won't be bothering you for a long time. Would you like that? Laura: Girl, have you ever seen the hair salon so crowded? Harriette Winslow: Before you stormed out of the house, I forgot to mention to you that I called OGD's Grandmother back in Detroit. They help move along our sentences. [Carl is appalled as he has a donut in his mouth], [Carl has just bought Harriette an exercise trampoline for her birthday. And you got LOUDER every time you made the Maitre D move us to another table. Judy Winslow: Who wants to read about cheese? This wire will be connected to this cord and this cord is not plugged in. How did you know? Harriette: What for? [does Steve's laugh and snort]. I'm going to give you an 'A'. Harriette: Don't even think like that. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Carl and his father planned on doing a lot of things together, but they never got the chance. Edward 'Eddie' Winslow: [not knowing Steve and Laura saw each other naked] All right, chicken. It's fascinating. And since no one will play with me, I have to say so myself. Robber: Oh yeah? Harriette Winslow: [while trying to calm an apprehensive Rachel about leaving Richie overnight with the babysitter for the first time] Rachel, I know it's hard leaving your baby for the first time, but after that it gets a lot easier. Rachel Crawford: Can you make him quack like a duck every time the phone rings? Stop the music! Carl Otis Winslow: Yeah. During the class picture, you don't have to sit with the girls in the front row and hold up the class sign. Waldo, you may go now. Harriette Winslow: Laura, did somebody do something to you? Whem I'm unhappy about something, I say so. Nick Neidermeyer: Do I have to remind you who you're talking to? Cop: It's also against the law. Steven Quincy "Steve" Urkel: I demand satisfaction. You're always sorry. Oh, good. So long! Harriette Winslow: And I always mark the year, you gave it to me. Carl Otis Winslow: [furious] Edward is in jail. [to self] WOW! Second, no one must ever know about this "non-date". There is no Steve here. Laura: Thank you, Steve. Steve Urkel: Don't panic, my love! [the car breaks down. Stupid? Harriette Winslow: Not as rough as Aunt Clotilda. Steve Urkel: Carl, I brought the notes to go over with Laura. Carl: I don't have to take this, I'm going home! Laura Lee Winslow: I don't know, and quite frankly, I'm tired of thinking about it. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [last lines of the series] Do I get a welcome home kiss? While a miserable Eddie has to play checkers with Steve. You don't want to get fried. Waldo: Hey, you don't have to like my cookin', but, please, don't call me names! Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Cornelius Eugene Urkel, you have better find a good excuse to leave town soon. Could you write that 'A' down on a piece of paper? Someday, I'll thank myself for this. Steven Quincy Urkel: But I'm going the recommended cruising speed for this vehicle Any more could be risky. Laura: [Long pause] Your looks. I think I'm gonna have to fire Waldo, Steve. [to Steve] I'm wearing you DOWN, baby! Waldo: Life is short, and so it Gary Coleman. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Fletcher has a bigger family then we thought. The wind has chapped my lips. [Carl steps in the chamber and Stefan starts it up]. The people that did this to us are teaching the same GARBAGE to their kids. Laura Lee Winslow: No! Laura: I mean it, Waldo. Steve Urkel: What? Cassie Lynn: But, it's a lie! Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Well hold on there big guy, listen to this. Rachel Crawford: It's almost impossible to find a job these days. Steve Urkel: Why, of course it can! But you'll never play in this game again. 36 Steve Urkel ideas | steve urkel, humor, funny Steve Urkel 36 Pins 11y N Collection by Nadia Hussein Similar ideas popular now Humor Funny Funny Quotes Chemistry Humor Nerd Humor Funny Charts When You Cant Sleep Lol Bahaha Clean Humor I Love To Laugh True Stories How To Fall Asleep Funny Jokes All the TIME!!!! I-I-I see. If you hit me, do I not sneeze? Urkel defeats him]. And it's all my fault. Steve Urkel: [shows up in the living room with his flowers from the cemetery] Hi Laura, these are for you. We're starved. Wha? Cornelius Eugene Urkel aka OGD: Serious. Waldo Faldo: Be careful he has another one. [Maxine laughs hysterically after she leaves the house]. Carl Otis Winslow: He's trouble. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Get lost, Laura! I wanna play some of my own records on the jukebox, but I don't know how to put them in. Steve Urkel: Laura's got the highly infectious mucus-nasal-osis-inflamicus. Harriette Winslow: You have to understand, back in Detroit where he's from, the police are considered the enemy, so he doesn't trust them. But our little town only had ONE library, and it was for whites only. Laura Lee Winslow: It was just a little practical joke. Five hundred on the line. I couldn't turn right around and refuse to go out with him. I almost went to the movies with Vicky Vanderfanny. Cassie Lynn: Becky Sue! Did you know an African American helped design the blueprint for Washington, D.C.? Steve Urkel: Well, because it's different. Money has germs on it. Rodney Beckett: Steve, come on outside. A heart that hurts. Carl Otis Winslow: [Laura comes home distraught] Laura, what happened? Carl Otis Winslow: I'm not finished yet. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [Waldo heads into the kitchen as Steve emerges] You o.k., Eddo? Rodney Beckett: [after seeing Eddie's music video] I can't believe it. Myra Monkhouse: Mr.Winslow, I am very sorry. Laura Lee Winslow: [as Laura Wigglesworth, pointing a gun at Johnny] The narration to finish! Carl Otis Winslow: Well guess what Harriet, it's not empty. Harriette Winslow: [Opens the candy box] Candy missing. Cornelius Eugene Urkel aka OGD: Bye. [Pulls him into a hug]. Harriette Winslow: Carl Otis Winslow, I'm ashamed of you. Harriette: Come on, sweetie, let's get you home and then I can put some antiseptic on those cuts. Harriette: [sobbing] Clint is driving off and Meryl will never see him again! Steven Quincy Urkel: I'm not through! Edward 'Eddie' Winslow: [told he can't go to the party] You mean I was nice for nothing?
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