carnac the magnificent curses

CARNAC: May a weird customs inspector discover a secret A: Pat and Debby Boone. So we see that as we get closer and closer to the Messianic Era when the world will go back to a perfected state, curses are reverting all around us just as the Vilna Gaon predicted. Q: What's the name of a drink made with beer and prune Q: What's the name of a drive-in massage parlor? The character was introduced in 1964. knows the contents of these envelopes, but you, in your divine and borderline mystical way will ascertain the questions having never before seen the answers. The Question: How tall would Clarnac have to be for his current weight to be his ideal weight. Q: What would you find in Superman's bathroom? What is missing here is his delivery. MORE OF THE BEST OF CARNAC THE MAGNIFICENT. A client of mine was hosting a dinner party, wanted to entertain her guests by re-enacting this skit between Johnny Carson and Ed . One of Carson's most well known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the east" who could psychically "divine" unseen answers to unknown questions. The Question: Whats a great name for a proctologist? Q: What have the oil companies given our wildlife? "May Yule Gibbens eat your pine trees!" Positive reaction would prompt disbelief from Carnac, stating the ease at which he could make people laugh, such as "This audience would laugh at Dinah Shore backing into a meat thermometer." They've been kept in a mayonnaise jar on Funk and Wagnalls' porch since noon today. . The character was taken from Steve Allens essentially identical Answer Man segment, which Allen performed during his tenure as host ofThe Tonight Showin the 1950s. May you be blessed with a son so smart he learns the mourner's prayerbefore his Bar-Mitzvah speech. , The Question: What is the name the new Disney fat stripper movie. grenade? The Question: Name 8 things that will soften your brain. Q: What holds up Oral Roberts' pants? A: 2001. Falling in Love Again (1980) with Susannah York, The Hollywood Knights (1980 . A: 2001. Q: What do you get on your fon if you leave it out all Carnac joke: He was holding up objects that supposedly had been fished out of the Hudson River. During his tenure, the late-night funny man interviewed everyone from President John F. Kennedy to Muhammad Ali. I have been collecting records, CDs and DVDs. Show"? A: The diamond lane. questions having never Q: Name two movies and a suppository. So I created my own character, CLARNAC the Magnificent and created my own material as a tribute and for my own amusement. In 1987, Myrtle Young came on The Tonight Show to show off her rare collection of potato chips. sister. A: The CIA. The curse concept was created by "Tonight Show" head writer and Woody Allen collaborator Marshall Brickman. After displaying a chip that looked like a pear, Myrtle turned away just long enough for Carson to crunch down on one of her priceless potato creationsor so it seemed. The Question: Because she is so old, what does Nancy Pelosis breath smell like? hair". Q: What did the dead raccoon say in his will? Good place to get some thinking done"-- Mr. Blore, the DJ who would not die {hplabs, seismo}!hao!udenva!showardor {boulder, cires, ucbvax!nbires, cisden}!udenva!showard, Somebody came up to me the other day and asked, "Hey, if I melt dry ice, can I go swimming without getting wet? , The Question: What is the official state bird of Mississippi? A: Mr. Coffee. violence? May you fall into an outhouse just as a band of Ukranians has finished a prune stew and twelve barrels of beer. QUESTION: Describe someone cleaning his Hoffman. CARNAC: May a desert rat sunbathe on your radar range. Q: Name two rams and a goat. (croud cheers) #10. This was to some degree a variation on Steve Allen's recurring "The Question Man" sketch. Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. Lot #220 ED McMAHON JOHNNY CARSON CARNAC THE MAGNIFICENT HAT. The Question: Name four traits you have to have to be president in 2022. Q: What's a drink made with dry sack and prune juice? , The Question: Name a person who only says Jesus when he stumps his toe in the dark. Houses of Prayer and Study, however, are with us always. A: Groundhog. A: Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition. A: The eye of a frog, the wing of a fly and the throat of a Click here to be a writer! Q: Who was just arrested for impersonating a baseball team? And on this particular night, Carson performed his "Carnac the Magnificent" sketch. We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers. Or are you just happy to see me? I remember two of his classic curses: May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits! and May a diseased yak drop dead on your front lawn!. Q: How many football games were televised over A: "Breaking Away" and "Here's Boomer." Q: Name the loser in the 1976 presidential race. CARNAC: May the winds of the Sahara blow a desert scorpion Q: What was dat hippie smoking? Q: Name three things on the endangered species list. , The Question: Why didnt Mrs. Franklin have any kids? Q: What sign did Queen Elizabeth hang on Princess The Phantom of the Opera, The Lion King, and Donald Trumps mouth. While in the past it was very common for women to die in labor, it is now very rare in modern hospitals. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental or is intended purely as a satire, parody or spoof. B. As a child of four can A: A mule, a horse, Billy Carter. Q: What was the final score of the Jaws-Capricorn game? Q: Describe someone cleaning his Hoffman. CARNAC: May a weird doctor join you at the hump of a camel. The Answer: Noah Daniels and Little Mort. BILLINGSGATE POST: Johnny Carson was the very best. A: Grape Nuts. Carnac the Magnificent was one of the highlights of the Johnny Carson Show. As a child of four can plainly see, these envelopes have been hermetically sealed. I hope it makes you laugh. The Question: Name a drink made up of 7-Up and prune juice. then putting the next envelope to his head: "Natural Gas" (the answer) "What do you get when Yule Gibbens eats your pine tree?" A: Double trouble. ", Jan Elliott AT&T Bell Labs, Holmdel, NJ .hounx!jansz. A: O'Hare. Q: What do you say when calling your quat? Mouse over chart for play descriptions. Q: How do you tell a Sha not to do something? A: Sissss, Boooom, Baaaaah! Carnac: May the nurse in your hospital room bring you a frozen bedpan. Similar Items. QUESTION: What does the president of Nestea use when his Carnac the Magnificent, a turbaned psychic, could answer questions before seeing them. The Question: Whats the name of the hooker Clarnac took the prom during his senior year in high school? The Tonight Show: four-digit numbers (ostensibly the last four digits of an audience member's phone number).Carson Carnac the Magnificent: Carson plays a psychic . Q: Name the only two people who aren't sick of hearing With the shamelessness of a used-car salesman, Carson pushed everything from Dr. Pepper to hemorrhoid cream with a Shakespearian twist. The Answer: Hes 97 and we dont know where the hell he is. and Supermanreplies "Johnny Carson, 1967" to which Lex remarks "Right. Q: What do you get when you squat on a rosy red fire? Carnac the Magnificent: Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson.One of Carson's most well-known . If you are of a certain age, you might yet remember Carnac the Magnificent, a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. I added more feathers, mardi gras beads and glue on fake jewels to . The Question: Name three things in New York that may run forever. Q: What are the only things that can move on Sundays? A: Around the world in 80 days. One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. A: Kitchy-kitchy-koo. Welcome once again, O Great Sage. The Question: Name one of Washington DCs many famous oxymorons. Q: How do you spell kkkirsucla? A: Revenge of the Pink Panther. . A: Fun with Dick and Jane. Ed McMahon: Shogun. How to Curse in Yiddish} by Joe Singer.Some of my favorites: May you sweat in labor a hundred and sixty years, then give birth to anice turle-hedgehog-porcupine. Imgflip Pro Basic removes all ads. KeyCastr. "[7] Songwriter Neal Merritt used the Carnac Saver as his primary inspiration for a song with a similar insult as a title, "May the Bird of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose," a hit for Little Jimmy Dickens. CARNAC: May a weird holy man light a Roman candle in your ", Conan O'Brien's Forehead Takes Over for Jay Leno's Chin. May a crazy holy man set fire to your nose hair. A: Sex. The Question: What is Kamala Harris strange path to the presidency? A: Natural gas. be sending Georgia soon? ANSWER: Gatorade. CARNAC: May a swarm of gay chiggers open a disco on your The Question: Name two people who always seem to be called to a place where they make a lot more money. [2] As Allen acknowledged in his book The Question Man, this bit had been created in Kansas City in 1951 by Bob Arbogast and used on The Tom Poston Show in New York where it eventually ended up on The Steve Allen Show, much to the surprise of both Arbogast and Allen. Q: Name a bake-off, a hiccough and a ripoff. Q: Name a Kirk, a Turk and a jerk. Images tagged "johnny carson". Q: How do you introduce your cat to a weeping willow? -- -------------------------------------------------------------"they forcibly extracted the word 'but' from his vocabulary, and locked him in a room with 10 economists"-------------------------------------------------------------. After Carnac entered and stumbled, Ed would continue as follows: "I hold in my hand the envelopes. CARNAC: May a crazed sultan force you into mouth-to-mouth The cathedral was built in the 11th century and is renowned for its Byzantine architecture, including its stunning mosaics and frescoes. A: "Small craft warning!" Q: What do you use to keep your ig from falling off? I'm Carnac had a trademark entrance in which he always turned the wrong direction when coming onstage and then tripped on the step up to Johnny Carson 's desk during his 30-year run on the Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson (1962-1992). Q: What do you call a military coup led by General The Question: What is the new slogan at Taco Bell? A: Burn the candle at both ends. (In one episode, technicians rigged Carsons desk to fall apart when Carnac fell into it. The Question: Name three things that always tell the truth. Q: Describe a stoned bowling team. A list of Carnac the Magnificent puns! Clarnac: I hope it has instructions to get out of here. Q: Name an address Anita Bryant will never have. puppies and red-eye gravy. The character would emerge from behind the show's curtain accompanied by Indian music, and make his way towards the desk, where he would invariably stumble on the step in front of the desk and lose his balance. [Ed Ames has thrown a tomahawk across the stage, hitting a painting of a cowboy straight in the "crotch". A: Sale of the Century. Q: What do cannibals find hard to digest? The Question: What did comedian Richard Pryor do when his nose got too fat from snorting cocaine? A: Los Angeles Dodgers. Carson as Carnac the Magnificent Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. May a diseased yak squat in your hot tub. Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Ed: Welcome, welcome, a thousand welcomes. A: De-frost. you? Q: What do you see if you open the trunk of the Godfather's A: Madame Kitty. nowadays. We have in the building tonight that great visitor from the East. Q: What do crabs get high on? , The Question: How did Clarnacs wife lose 240 pounds of unwanted fat? ft. coverage regular price $109.95 Calendar & Tip Sheet January Calendar January Tipsheet Marty's Acre Drinks on the Acre February 13 - 5:30 PM The 2nd Monday of every month we invite you to join us on location at Marty's Acre to talk gardening and enjoy a selection of brew chosen by Marty. Q: What do cannibals find hard to digest? A: Eight is enough. The Answer: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering. The Question: Name a clock, a jock, and a crock. , The Question: What is the longest sentence in the world? May you fall in the outhouse just as a regiment of Ukrainians finishes aprune stew and twelve barrels of beer. Eds Intro: Ladies (if any) and gentlemen. A: Gatorade. Carnac the Magnificent: [Holding the envelope to his head] Shogun. Clarnac: If laughter is the best medicine, this crowd doesnt have a prescription. Q: What do you call a drink made with un-cola and prune A: Clean air, a virgin and a gas station open on Sunday. So how does this connect to the weekly Torah portion, you ask? ", Robert Bickford (r@well.uucp)================================================| I doubt if these are even my own opinions. when is a felony traffic stop done; saskatchewan ghost towns near saskatoon; affitti brevi periodi napoli vomero; general motors intrinsic value; nah shon hyland house fire There are a couple of ideas I've had to make this and I'm not sure which one would work best - and possibly there are other . Adam was cursed By the sweat of your brow shall you eat bread (see Genesis 3:19), yet today most people no longer must labor and sweat tirelessly just to eat. ), These comedic missteps were an indication of Carnacs true prescient abilities. kaleido? A: 13 Queens Boulevard. A: The American people. A: Mop and Glow. "Johnny: "It was so cold, the politicians had their hands in their ownpockets. Inning. , The Question: What is the female version of Viagra? A: Igloo. The character was introduced in 1964. work? I have been collecting records, CDs and DVDs. sister. Carpenter During Sweeps 1984. Pat McCormickwrote some of the zaniest Carnac material. CARNAC: May the swami of Bagdad squat on your fez. Line: 24 Johnny Carson entertained audiences for 30 years as the host of The Tonight Show. From Carnac the Magnificent to his very close encounter with a python, heres our list of Carsons greatest moments. [applause]. A: Old wive's tale. In article <9@psivax.UUCP> a@psivax.UUCP (Al Schwartz) writes: In article <9@psivax.UUCP>, a@psivax.UUCP (Al Schwartz) writes: I remember some of these from some book or other on the joys of. (Crowd cheers) #10. Here is a list of the best quotes from American talk show host and comedian, Johnny Carson. The Question: How did Obiden sanction the Russians for invading Ukraine? Q: What should the oil companies' new slogan be? Check the NSFW checkbox to enable not-safe-for-work images. Johnny Carson fans: Do you have a favorite "Carnac The Magnificent" joke? May you get your first French kiss from a diseased camel. A: Sueeee, sueeee. Carson quickly revealed his personal bowl of potato chips hidden strategically behind the desk and Myrtles shock turned into uncomfortable laughter. Unable to come to an agreement over alimony, God intervenes to help Adam and Eve divvy up their marital belongings. CARNAC: May an evil genie put splinters in your Aurora The Question: Name one person bitten by a shark, one person swallowed by big fish, and one person shot by a seal (a Navy Seal). Q: How much time has Governor Brown spent in California The Question: Describe how marriage is a 3-ring circus? ANSWER: Nestea Plunge. seen them before. Q: What price will gas be if it's under a dollar? Clarnac: May a diseased shih tzu hump your grandmothers good leg. No one knows the contents of but you, in your divine and mystical way, will ascertain the answers to these "May a misguided platypus lay its eggs in your jockey shorts", or "May a confused weightlifter clean and jerk your sister", or "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits". , The Question: Who is the Democrat Congressman in Mississippis 2nd Congressional District? Next. folks who ran "The Tonight Show" in the 70's. A: Shake and bake. Margaret's door? A: The 11th Hour. | Replica prop, Johnny carson, Johnny Explore Men's Fashion Men's Accessories Men's Hats Uploaded to Pinterest Johnny Carson Johnny Carson Carnac the Magnificent replica prop hat. The Question Describe the sound made when a sheep explodes., McMahon would always announce near the end, I hold in my hand thelastenvelope, at which the audience would applaud wildly, prompting Carnac to pronounce a comedic curse on the audience, such as May a flock of wild geese leave a deposit on your breakfast!, May your sister elope with a camel!, May a diseased yak take a liking to your sister, or the most famous: May the bird of paradise fly up your nose!. |================================================, Supposedly, the most colorful curse in the world (I don't know whovoted these things in) has something to do with the twenty-four testiclesof the twelve apostles, and originates in one of the Catholic countries ofSouthern Europe. http://www.torchweb.org/torah_detail.php?id=470, torchweb@gmail.com The Answer: Howdy Doody, Jerry Mahoney, and Joe Biden. Carnac the Magnificent, in which Carson played a psychic who clairvoyantly divined the answer to a question contained in a sealed envelope. CARNAC: May a diseased yak drop his cud in your hooped A: Old wives tale. Q: What is a mother of 27 children? Q: What looks delicious, quivers all over and can't talk? ANSWER: Big Ben, Joe Nameth and the candidates' campaign promises. Return to Humor Page Get Image Page 1 of 4 Well, as it turns out, Parshas Balak starts off with this wicked king named Balak trying to get this wicked mystic named Bilaam to cast a curse upon the Jewish people. Q. Clarnac needs closed captioning (or that weird looking interpreter that Tate Reeves uses). Only this curse was not humorous at all. Carnac The Magnificent Quotes May a diseased yak squat in your hot tub. A: Plumber's helper. (crowd cheers). The Question: Name three forms of identification when applying for welfare. A: Sanford and Son and Ed McMahon. As well, Eve was cursed that her husband should rule over her (see Genesis ibid), yet with the Womens Rights movement this has changed in a big way. The Answer: Dumbo, Eeyour, and Mitt Romney. Alas, poor Yorick, dont forget your American Express card! May your Perrier water be secretly bottled in Tijuana. Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. Q: Name a Kristofferson. 1981 | TV-14 | CC. A: "The Front." , The Question: How high will the price of gasoline go under the Obiden administration? "Opens envelope for question: "Name two hockey players and a hockeypuck. All the funny items on this website are fictitious. View all. And even people who dont work at all need not starve, as food banks and charities abound, and governments provide welfare. Organized in groups of 10. Murine? . Paul? Name, in reverse order, a droll comedian, the first name of a popcorn purveyor and a fat, self-absorbed, obnoxious loser!" . Longtime sidekick Ed McMahon ritualistically and bombastically introduced the Carnac routines. Q: On a cold morning, what forms on de-grass? ED: And now I hold in my hand the last envelope. May a toothless holy man give your grandmother a hickey. I've often used Carnac in my work, pretending to be him, when confronted with the unknowable, the unanswerable, the irrational questions for which no reasonable responses are going to solve the problem. Q: What would you see if Orson Welles dropped his pants? Reviewed in the United States on April 2, 2015. the memoirs of Richard Nixon. May your platform shoes fail you in a camel pasture. Starring: Johnny Carson and Ed McMahon; Directed by: Bobby Quinn; The Tonight Show starring Johnny Carson - Show Date: 05/24/84. QUESTION: What does an alligator get on welfare? . Johnny Carson "Carnak The Magnificent" One Liners. A: Rocky, Network and The Silver Streak. Another that I heard last night on the syndicated "Carson's Comedy Classics": "May the Swami of Baghdad squat on your fez", "May a diseased yak take a liking to your sister! Previous. Carnac held each envelope to his forehead while "divining" the answer, then tore open the end of the envelope and loudly blew into it before removing the index card with the question. Find Funny GIFs, Cute GIFs, Reaction GIFs and more. [+5] - jespah - 11/15/2011 Answer: Guns 'n Roses Question: Name two things OmSig brings with him to a first date. The Question: Name an elephant, a donkey, and a Rino. She said, Why didnt you go around me?. Screenkey. Q: What will you get if you ignore a trucker's blockade? Box 4, Folder 45. A: The Orient express. . A: The Laughing Policeman. My favorite Carnac(sp?) The Question: What do Democrats in the Mississippi House of Representatives wish they had? (Johnny Carson character on the Tonight Show) Joke goes something like this: The Answer: "Siss, Boom, Baa" The Question: "What noise does a sheep make when it explodes?" Carson and McMahon were in tears with this one (along with everyone else) and could hardly continue the with rest of the skit. A: General Curtis LeMay, the Red Baron and Carnac. Line: 479 us? A: SAG Strike. During one of his infamous animal interactions, Johnny Carson got up close and very personal with a Burmese python. Q: Describe Mrs. Stillman on a bus that doesn't make rest 42 results for "carnac hat" RESULTS. Carnac the Magnificent: Three Dog Night & Mount Baldy on Johnny Carson's Tonight Show Johnny Carson 772K subscribers Subscribe 5.9K 1.1M views 11 years ago Watch Carson episodes every night on. Q: Name a Fudd, a Mudd and a dud. . A: Shareholder. A: Black and white and twenty feet tall. doctors. A: Black feet. A: "The Dumplings." 5 results for "carnac the magnificent" RESULTS. Legal experts contacted by Yahoo News said the idea of Trump telepathically declassifying government documents is absurd. A: Sir Lawrence Olivier, the Oscars and the oil shortage. The crowd is hostile. A: Ninety-nine and nine-tenths. , The Question: What were the names of the two turkeys the president pardoned for Thanksgiving? ", "Barometer, n. An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.". (You should die young enough for her to walk there under her own steam.). A: Jaques Cousteau. While all were memorable, its her duet with Carson thats particularly unforgettable. My question to you net.joke-sters out there: What is the funniest "ComedicCurse" you have heard? She was cursed to have pain during pregnancy, childbirth, and raising the children (see Genesis 3:16), yet the pains of pregnancy and childbearing have been significantly eased in our times thanks to modern medicine and inventions like the epidural anesthetic. QUESTION: Name a Kirk, a Turk and a jerk. McMahon's closing announcement "I hold in my hand the last envelope" was always met with a loud cheer, prompting one final "curse". A: Double hernia. I just got a new DVD, and I am really excited about it, but I miss my childhood a little bit I guess. There were skits performed such as Carnac the Magnificent, an "all-knowing seer," and the elderly Aunt Blabby. Q: What's the best thing to do if you swallow a hand The Question: What was Barrack Obamas number when he was the quarterback at Lucifer High School? I used a couple of small binder clips to make it snugger so it would not fall off. Q: When will you get to work going 55 miles an hour? The Answer: A Baptist preacher and a College football coach. One of Johnny's best-loved characters was Carnac the Magnificent. Q: Who's the new traffic advisor to Los Angeles? the audience will cheer. Function: require_once. Amazingly, we see the Vilna Gaons prediction coming true in our own times, as many of the curses mentioned in the Bible have already disappeared. (Wait for it! (the curse). A: Flyswatter. Its hard to divine when you cant see. Q: Where should you address all your mail? Q: Name a jewel, a tool and a fool. Q: What do you need after Hamburger Helper? The Question: Why do most married men die before their wives? A: Deep freeze. ANSWER: Dustin Hoffman. dickory? , The Question: What is Bill OReillys latest book in his Killing Series? A: Mount Baldy. We are now officially the living who envy the dead! Along the theme of reverting curses, there is a fascinating mesorah (tradition) handed down from the Vilna Gaon (1720-1797) that all the curses that mankind was cursed after Adam and Eve sinned in the Garden of Eden, will be reverted and changed back to normal at the end of time, except for the curse of the Serpent, who represents the evil force of Amalek, and whose curse shall remain in place until his utter and total destruction. kirstin leigh jerrold lee wedding,

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