military aviation jokes

Do you know where the sensor is located? my My husband is infantry, and he said the most wonderful things to convince me to marry him: Killed bin Laden. Sidling right up to the student, the speaker shouted in his ear, What would you do for a patient in the event of a nuclear war? This poor old fool, thought the Navy officer, so he invited the old man inside to buy him a drink. Our pilots FLY much better than they DRIVE so please remain seated until the captain finishes taxiing and brings the aircraft to a complete stop at the terminal, 13. Dear Soldier, If youre having a rough day, remember the most important thing in life is to be yourself. We are directly under the moon.. My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences. StrategyPage's Military Jokes and Military Humor. I told him that I had a date that night and asked for a How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? After working his magic, the barber exclaimed, There you go, Yank. When they come home, they get to leave their inlaws thousands of miles away. Aviation Humor - F-16.net - The ultimate F-16, F-22, F-35 reference An officer calls a young Soldier to attention, scolding him for not attending camouflage training that morning. After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told them There are three rules in this mess hall- Shut up! Baltimore, said Dad. S | Engine found on right wing after brief search. What did the Coastie say when his friends asked why he was getting married? No, we dont, she said. Airspeed, altitude, and brains: Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.. I met his wife and baby and was impressed that he had all his flight gear neatly laid out on a table. 100+ WW2 Trivia Questions For HistoryBuffs, 17 Military Personnel Talk About The Creepiest Thing Theyve Seen OnDuty, 100+ Scary Stories to Read in the Dark to Leave You With Chills[2021], A Writers Diary Entries From Mid-April,1986, 30 Spooky Paranormal Stories From Former MilitaryPersonnel, You might be in the Coast Guard if people have looked at you and said, The Coast Guard is part of the military?, You might be in the Coast Guard if your child points to the ship and says, Thats where my parent lives!, You might be a Coastie if you head an HH-65 and. Why did the Soldier bring a blanket to an active battle zone? Students are great about sending our troops letters, and the troops love em. One day, convinced he could improve things, he told the head cook, If you give me a paring knife, I could peel these potatoes faster. The cook turned slowly to my father and said, Son, youre in the Army. Each branch has its own traditional jokes that have caused a lot of laughing for many years. For more information about us or joining the team, check out the About Us tab. There was bound to be trouble, and I was right, because suddenly, he fell silenteyebrows arched, brain overloaded. 55+ Best Pilot Jokes That Fly | Kidadl Aircraft Carriers Airshows Aviation History Aviation Humor Books Civil Aviation Cold War Era Drones F-14 Tomcat Helicopters Losses/Aviation Safety MiG Killers Military Aviation Space SR-71 Blackbird SR-71 Top Speed U.S. Navy Warbirds Weapons Yearly Summary. We know that there are hundreds and hundreds of military jokes out there. As a pilot only two bad things can happen to you and eventually one of them will. Having been an architectural draftsman in civilian life, I raised my hand. I wouldnt set foot on any ship that intentionally sinks.. His reply was quick and to the point: You didnt.. It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, 'Never fly in the same cockpit. While waiting every one will come by multiple times except yours, 62. 2. These jokes are perfect for anyone in the military to laugh at. I say again, stand down and divert your course. 3. 28. Explaining the use of the controls to a student "If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger, if you pull the stick back they get smaller. See, Connor? he explained, pointing to the photo and then to the bear. What did the Navy dentist put on his license plate? During orientation at Fort Sill, in Oklahoma, our first sergeant stated that if anyone lost his locker key to see him, as he kept a master key in his office. We made a private sweep all the sunshine off the sidewalks. I was the cook.. Heres what they came up with: My father was serving in a port city in postWorld War II Germany when a ship laden with GIs docked. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Regina. It was our first day on the rifle range at Lackland Air Force Base. You the eighth, the old Marine answered. Can You Name All 8 United States Uniformed Services? 30+ Best Military Jokes And Puns | Kidadl Rodrigues there? Discover a funny military joke about the U.S. Army with this list. Decodes 7. An Airman, Soldier, and Marine are sitting around talking about hardships they faced on their last deployment. When Is Military Appreciation Month? Hazing the new guy, he said with a grin. Around midnight, I noticed movement behind a bush. We recommend our users to update the browser. 100+ Best Army Jokes And Puns | Kidadl She approached one of the women for an explanation: What enabled women here to achieve this marvelous reversal of roles? Land mines, replied the Kuwaiti woman. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. Landings are mandatory. The flight attendant on our trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. 46. This happened several times times throughout the flight. Gary Toohard. The Marine took off his boots and began to stretch out. How do you know when your date with a fighter pilot is halfway over? You might be in the Coast Guard if you abbreviate words so much that you forget how to spell them out. Soldier: WTF, you had air conditioners? A young pilot in a Fighter Jet was flying escort for a B-52 Bomber and generally being a nuisance, acting like a big hotshot, flying loops around the lumbering old bomber. Sergeant, he said, what if we dont have any initials? Matthew Nazarian. When the sergeant told our new commander that his driver could not participate in an upcoming field maneuver because she was pregnant, the enraged commander demanded to know just how pregnant she was. Rather than fire a shot, I shouted out the first half of the password: George! 42. Even his son turned up. Next time I send a damn fool, I go myself., My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II. After a few basic questions, I very gingerly asked, Did you ever kill anyone? She also liked her scotch. Between all the service branches there is a friendly rivalry that will always create jokes among the various branches. I was standing watch when an old, run-down freighter named Sagar Moti passed by. One started by saying, Okay smartass, which one is closer, the moon or Florida? The second responded by saying, Obviously its the moon you cant see Florida!. A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. Aeronautical Humor. They sure grow up fast, dont they?. Because hes a captain in the Air Force. One day, I was told to report to my commanding officer, who ordered me to escort Ms. Raye. Speed is life. In this great little clip, an SR-71 pilot tells a story about flying around the Western United States to build up crew hours when small plane pilots started calling into air traffic control to ask . and his platoon of recruits were marching, their sergeant slipped and tumbled down a ravine. Dario Leone is an aviation, defense and military writer. When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85. Reply: This is a lighthouse your call.. My friend has a really toxic relationship with Navy vessels. Why do flight attendants make great astronauts? But if you say one word, it's fifty quid". Military jokes! I lifted up my rifle and gave it one last try: George!! What do you call a training sergeant whos very kind and respectful? We were an Air Force family, but our son could not grasp that fact. Trask (his last name) used that heritage to lord it over me. 2. 4. Ive been sandblasted.. The other Sergeants noticed that he looked more relaxed than ever. Large mahogany desk.. Two hunters got a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose. In the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments, 23. Airman: The worst was when the air conditioner in our tent broke and it was 110 outside! Flight Announcements 4. (pointing at the sky). 11 of the Best Veteran Memes That Perfectly Sum Up Veteran Humor. Comedian Martha Raye was a great supporter of the military and made many trips to Vietnam to entertain the troops. Soldier: Sure, buddy. The military refers to a collection of all the armed forces of a particular country.. We have one or two in here! What do pilots and air traffic controllers have in common? Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we landit's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern". Black said he jokes about getting a sense of what America thinks about its military by the movies that come out, and the only decent military movie in recent years, in his opinion, was "Top Gun . You seem in a good mood., He replied, Im paying a private to do all my worrying for me.. 1) In World War II, a German U-boat was sunk because of a malfunctioning toilet. A LOOtenant! My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II. A tank ran over a bag of popcorn and apparently, two kernels were killed! Military Aviation - Technology: Where it Started and Where it's Going Ordered a private to bring back a five-gallon can of dehydrated water (in fact, the sergeant just wanted an empty water can). It helps to keep the pilot cool. Co-Pilot: What?!. One day, the rain was pouring like crazy and a big puddle formed in front of a local pub just outside the Navy base. How old are you? a tenant asked. aviation JOKES (random) Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. The only time you have too much fuel is when you are on fire, 47. 43. I was standing watch when an old, run-down freighter named Sagar Moti passed by. In-flight Snacks Little treats sealed in a bag that can only be opened by using a chainsaw. During that first roll call in the Army, I waited in dread as the sergeant got to my name: DiFeliciantonio. Related read: When Is Military Appreciation Month? If you have a military joke you think our readers would like then send it to military_jokes@strategyworld.com. Ummm no, youre good, he mumbled. If all you can see out of the window is ground that's going round and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger compartment, things are not at all, as they should be. Learn from the mistakes of others. 130 Best Aviation Humor ideas | aviation humor, humor, aviation - Pinterest Caller: Is Sgt. What did one panicking sailor say to the other? Civilian CASUAL TEES are not acceptable. Of course, he responded. Spread the humor by leaving a secret written joke on a neighbor's stoop, a colleague's desk, or mail it to your best friend. Being in the military is no laughing matter, but you know what can liven the spirits of those who serve or have served? As the general inspected our troops, he asked some of the Marines which outfit they were serving with. Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially. A military sergeant lieutenant saying Based on my experience Yes, she said. At least SEVEN Cs! In the 60s, the CIA hatched a plan to implant a battery and a microphone in a cat so the furry feline could spy on unsuspecting targets. The soldier remarked, How long was I in there for?. 8. 13. Sure!With that, he revved up the razor, clipped off my sideburns, and gave them to me. Hence, the Army will post guards in specific vulnerable areas. There are many branches of the military. You might be a Coastie if a cruise does not sound like a vacation to you. 'There are bold pilots, and old pilots, but very few old bold pilots.' - 1930s Army Air Corps Sign. During World War II, my father often found himself stuck with KP duty. Even those who work in relation to the military, such as the Department of Defense, or know someone that has served, are bound to find a few of these hilarious. Even if you arent in the military yourself, try reading some of these out loud to someone you know in a particular branch and watch as their face lights up. During a combat medical training class, the topic was blast injuries. Max Stanley (Test Pilot) The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world It can just barely kill you, 31. An Army Drill Sergeant took some recruits the the mess hall. What do you call a training sergeant who's very kind and respectful? The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. Its got to be the Air Force because theyre U.S. AF! The Lasting Supper The Best Short Military Jokes 1. While on maneuvers in the Mojave Desert, our convoy got lost, forcing our lieutenant to radio for help. and his platoon of recruits were marching, their sergeant slipped and tumbled down a ravine. You can see why: I thought you had to be in relatively good shape to join the Marines.. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck. Adding one, came from my saw carrying ARMY soldier: How many Marines does it take to fire a machine gun? A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the flight attendant, "and it took . Takeoffs are optional. It was always selling out, and I could never keep it in stock. SUB sandwiches! Fighter Training Manual Airspeed, Altitude, and Brains Two are always needed to successfully complete a flight, 7. I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when my squad leader barged in. S | No 2 propeller seepage normal - No 1, No 3, and No 4 propellers lack normal seepage. Airmens mess, sir.. Jokes Archives - Aviation Humor But I had the last laugh. "As we prepare for takeoff, please make sure your tray tables and seat backs are fully upright in their most uncomfortable position", 18. If you cant pick it up, paint it. Why does the military only allow dress shirts during ceremonies and events? What happened when a soldier went into an enemy bar? The fighter jet stops whining once the engines are cut off. The only time you have too much fuel is when youre on fire. A LOOtenant! Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. and some others fell to the ground quickly and did their push-ups. 130 Best Aviation Humor ideas | aviation humor, humor, aviation Aviation Humor 129 Pins 1y S Collection by STS Aviation Group Share Similar ideas popular now Humor Funny Military Humor Aviation Fuel Aviation Humor Aviation Technology Airbus Boeing Airline Humor Airline Reservations People Fly Flight Attendant Life LinkedIn Aviation Quotes Coast Guard Jokes - LiveAbout S | Auto land not installed on this aircraft. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!, 21. The irate sergeant scrambled back up amid guffaws and barked, Those who laughed, get down and give me 20! A.J. A military aircraft had gear problems on landing, and as the plane was skidding down the tarmac the tower controller asked if they needed assistance. Im 81 years old, he answered. MARCH! 38. Instructed a private in the mess hall to look for left-handed spatulas Why Do We Celebrate It? So he recruited 4 of the best he could find. They want their patients to see 20:20! Collecting our many suitcases, the ten of us entered the cramped customs area. When the Marine finishes up, he starts to head for the door. Two thousand dollars a week, he replied. "OK Suzy" said the teacher, "please tell the class your. Soon after arriving at basic training, we were marched to the base barbershop, where we were told wed find a clipboard with our names on it. S | Reprogrammed Target Radar with the words. While serving as chief medical officer at Fort Ritchie in Maryland, I attended a nearby wedding. I admit itI have a tendency to exaggerate, and I was afraid when I joined the Navy that my creativity might get me in trouble. What do you use on your face to keep it so smooth? I asked. We are currently looking for former Marines to join the team who are interested in writing about tactical gear, survival gear, hiking supplies, etc. Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike? The flight attendant on our trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. P | Test flight OK, except autoland very rough. They cant seem to string three Ws together. Once at the club, I drove up to the entrance, where the doorman promptly came to the passenger door and assisted my wife out of the car. Dad always bragged about the gunners on his ship. Dedicated To All Who Flew Behind Round Engines. I thought I was on top of my game that day, Comedian Martha Raye was a great supporter of the military and made many trips to Vietnam to entertain the troops. Your seat cushions can be used for flotation. Aboard a troop carrier crossing the Atlantic, I noticed a seasick pal of mine losing it over the railing alongside several other soldiers. Climbing out of the wreckage, Brian asked Tommy, Any idea where we are?, I think were pretty close to where we crashed last year Brian, 5. Reply: I recommend you divert your course 15 degrees south to avoid a collision. 14. It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, Where are you from? St. The main job of the military is to provide the country's citizens absolute protection from both internal and external attacks. It was PRIVATE. Without a letter from public affairs, well have to take your camera. I did the only thing I could do: I pulled a notepad and pen from my bag and wrote a letter giving myself permission to take photos. Its not weak, he replied. A Military lab has developed a pizza that boasts a shelf life of three years without being frozen, and now the Week has asked its readers to name this durable dish. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance", To this, Warren replied, "Joy that helicopter is fifty quid, and fifty quid is fifty quid", The pilot overheard the couple and said, "Folks I'll make you a deal. Fighter Training Manual You know your landing gear is UP and LOCKED when it takes full power to taxi to your parking spot. I was very nervous, she said. Yes, said the lieutenant. Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death ..I Shall Fear No Evil. At one point, our very intimidating instructor pointed at me and said, Theres been a jeep explosion. You had tents?, USAF: Birds As I stepped forward, she jokingly offered me one, but I passed. Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers. 27. "Ah", the fighter pilot remarked "The dreaded Seven-Engine approach", 12. I have been telling the same joke for a lot of years, but today I will change it up. U.S. Air Force Grounds Hundreds of Jets: Their Tails May Fall Off Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. What do you call a military officer who goes to the bathroom a lot? He started this website while transitioning out of the Marines, and since has recruited several other Marines to help him work on the Marine Approved website. He wanted to move out of the barracks as soon as possible. Then one day I couldnt find it. Aircraft Engineers 1. Bad altitude. Good judgment comes from experience. 37. Caller: OK. 4. Filed Under: Lifestyle, Veteran Life Tagged With: funny, humor, jokes, military jokes. When I was a Navy student pilot, I visited the home of a classmate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal, 22. 3. Why does the military have a strict dress code for ceremonies and events? One day you will walk out to your aircraft KNOWING that it is your last flight. If pilots screw up, they die. However, the mood was brightened when he received a birthday cake from his sister. If you stop to ask Why, you will be talking to yourself, 8. Just Some Insults Learned In the Air Force 'Bot' Tries To Write An Airline Safety Video. This site contains affiliate links. They know how to take up space. Perplexed, the fighter pilot asked, "So? When the boy seemed confused, his father brought out a picture of himself in full Marine dress. My dad and uncles were all in the Army during wartime, but only two of the three served overseas. 10. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminium going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose. [Answered]. Related read: 11 of the Best Veteran Memes That Perfectly Sum Up Veteran Humor. Then came Dads ships turn. USN: Helos I was awakened late one night by a phone call from nearby Fort Meade, in Maryland. In his free time, he enjoys hunting, hiking, running, shooting guns, and reviewing gear. I served in Japan, said Uncle Sid. In an attempt to keep, the passengers from standing or moving around before taxiing was completed the Flight Attendant of an internal flight said over the PA, "Ladies and Gentlemen. The steaming jungles of Vietnam were not my husbands first choice of places to spend his 21st birthday. Theyre U.S. AF! Thats why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship. 4th of July 2022: Celebrating the Birth of Our Nation & Its Heroes, Military Appreciation Month 2022: Saluting Those Who Serve, Veterans Day 2022: Celebrating Those Whove Served. The danger of incident is no jokein 1985, a Japanese 747 airliner lost its tail midflight and plummeted into a mountain, killing 520 in the deadliest aircraft accident involving just one plane . We were a tough group. Both have been racing sled dogs for decades. Was looking for the best candidate to fill a spot on a field team. Corporal Wabo is a former Infantry Squad Leader with 3rd Bn 4th Marines that specialized in Mortars. To begin with, the U.S. in early 2022 had 38,500 troops stationed on German soil almost 40% of the total number it deploys in all of Europe. Upon the Vietnam war's conclusion a lot of money was invested in creating the next class of aircraft. The Soldier agreed, and when the Marine went to get his drink he started spitting in the Marines boots. If air traffic controllers screw up, pilots also die. !" Marine: "Wait, stop. Auld Lang Slice 100 Hilarious Airplane Jokes That Are Surely to Take Off Unless you're a pilot, an aeronautical engineer, a hang-around traveler, or simply someone who enjoys aviation, airplane jokes are surely right up your alley. Nothing, she said. When I told him I had no clue how to make soup, he handed me a cookbook and instructed, Follow the directions carefully. How tough? The U.S. Air Force chooses their hotels based on the stars. Youre standing in it, sir, said the sergeant. Warren and his wife Joy went to the local Air Show every year, and every year Joy would say, "Warren, I'd like to ride in that helicopter. Keep up with Katee on Instagram and linkedin.com. 34. A military captain saying I was just thinking Are you near any landmarks that might help us locate you? the base operator asked him. Officer: Thats no way to address an officer! When a soldier came to the clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an attractive, young technician. The list below includes humorous one-liners and stories that will make your military friends and family members laugh like never before. A visitor, returning to Kuwait for the first time since the Gulf War, was impressed by a sociological change. I will take the both of you for a ride. ", The student replied, "When I was number one for takeoff sir", 51. While in Kuwait, shortly before we deployed to Iraq, a major general told our meeting that we should expect to cross into Iraq in less than 24 hours. He then My gunnery sergeant and I were inspecting a Marine training exercise when we spotted a second lieutenant ambling about. 10. Its a NO FLY zone! Dad always bragged about the gunners on his ship. Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Aunt Mary is an F-16 pilot A fifth-grade teacher told her students "I'd like for one of you to tell the class a story with a moral", so little Suzy raised her hand. In the 50s, I was a clerk typist at our base headquarters in Verdun, France. St. These involve the army, the navy, the air force, and other security forces.. An officer asked if I knew what it meant. When the plane was descending for the landing, the Marine put his boots back on and quickly realized the Soldier had been spitting in his boots. Military Jokes and Humor stories have always amused and entertained. The sailor calls out and says, In boot camp, they taught us to wash our hands after taking a leak. The Marine replies, In our boot camp, they teach us not to piss on our hands.. 29. A young customs official watched our entourage in disbelief, "Ma'am" he said, "Do all these children and this luggage belong to you? Jokes about crayon eaters and narcissistic Air Force personnel will never get old, though. Known to bicker and make fun of each other often, its likely that those in the military have a good sense of humor. These pilots' jokes can easily be turned into a pilot pun and other airlines' jokes. While serving as chief medical officer at Fort Ritchie in Maryland, I attended a nearby wedding. Want more amazing military jokes? Anytime someone asked what his father did, hed say, Hes in the Army. I told him umpteen times, Stop telling people Im in the Army! It finally seemed to hit home because on the admittance form for kindergarten, under fathers profession, the teacher wrote, He doesnt know what his father does, but hes not in the Army.. Caller: Sgt. What do you call a deer thats enlisted in the Air Force? He had noticed that, for the umpteenth time, a recruit kept going to his right on a left command. The veteran bomber pilot answered, "Try this hot-shot". Here soldiers share what theyve gleaned from past gaffes: Navy Pilot: Were flying faster than the speed of sound! Whats the difference between a special forces member of the Navy and an otter? But yours is.. Air Force Says OKEY DOKEY?. Funny Aviation Jokes - BEST FUNNY JOKES What do hungry Marines eat? Caller: Is Sgt. My startled classmate sat up and responded, Place a temporary filling, sir!. Our puns and jokes are here for the soldiers as well as everyone else to enjoy. Six Triple Eight Film by Tyler Perry Is Coming to Netflix, Havana Syndrome Still a Mystery, but Foreign Involvement Unlikely, After a Storied Career, Paris Davis Is Finally Receiving His Medal of Honor, Here are 200 Remote Jobs for Veterans in 2023. This class yielded some very famous aircraft, many we still use today. So I quit ordering it.. Only one. Having been an architectural draftsman in civilian life, I raised my hand. What does ARMY mean to you? There are optimists and pessimists in aviation. It is always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here. A Soldier and a Marine were sitting next to each other on a plane. you cant do both. But my fears were put to rest one day while getting into formation, which was determined by height. The Best Military Jokes: Jokes for Every Branch - Reader's Digest

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